Detention...

Mmmkay... So I just watched a film called Detention. I am going to describe this as best I can in a limited amount of words.

Let me start by saying, never before in my life, have I seen a film that has had this much of an impact on me. Don't take that as a good thing or a bad thing... it's just a thing. It had a plot... I think. Like, I followed it all the way through. It wasn't boring... it also wasn't purple.
The only way to describe this film is with ridiculous analogies  of what it is like. For example:

It was like watching an anaconda make mushroom pancakes.
It was like fisting a dugong.
It was like being brought to orgasm by slapping bedsheets.
If Oasis (the band) and every mythical creature you have ever heard of had a baby, it wouldn't be too dissimilar to this film.
It was like a plectrum cramp.

I could go on like this all night... because it was just that weird. I spent the first half hour after watching it only being able to mutter the syllables "I just... I just..."

I hated it... and loved it. It was both the best and worst piece of film I have ever seen. I'm pretty sure I laughed at a couple of points, but it has left me questioning everything. Not just everything in the film, everything in the universe. I think that this film is the opposite of everything.

The best way to describe it is simply "Schrodinger's Film"; until you have evidence to the contrary, it is both the best film and the worst film in existence.

The only thing I know for certain and can say with 98% clarity is this:
I watched the film Detention...


But did I really?
Let me know if you have seen it and what you thought. I would be interested to hear whether my opinions on the matter differ from yours.

Two in one Night?!?!

So I thought I would share one of my short stories as well while we're in a bloggy mood (bloggy? Bloggish? Bloggable? I don't know which is right)

This was a story I wrote for my writing course... interpret it as you will :)

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The Dark Cover of Night

I walked into the darkened room and felt a chill. This just doesn’t feel right, I thought. I turned on the light and set my coat down on the bed. She followed me into the room and took off her red high heels. I closed the door and drew the curtains. I couldn’t afford for anyone to see this.

“I’m just going to go and freshen up” she told me. I nodded and moved toward the counter.

“Can I get you a drink?” I called out to her.

“Sure, I’ll have a scotch… On the rocks” She added, as an afterthought.

I poured myself a whiskey, neat as always, and prepared her drink. By the time I had finished she was back in the main room. She was looking at me seductively as I set her drink down at the small table by the window. I sat in one of the chairs and surveyed her carefully. As she brushed her mid-length blond hair over one shoulder I noticed a tattoo on her right shoulder.

“What’s your tattoo of?” I asked, to which she blushed.

“It’s just a silly thing I got a couple of years ago. My boyfriend paid for it for my 18^th birthday”

I stood up and moved towards her. She breathed in as I moved her hair out of the way to get a closer look. The tattoo was of a dolphin leaping from the water surrounded by a rainbow. I smiled at her.

“It’s beautiful” I said.

“It’s stupid” She turned away to hide her ever-reddening cheeks. I laughed.

“Stupid? No. I once went to a tattoo artist to get a beautiful Latin phrase” I pulled up my shirt to reveal, in large bold text on my right side:

“Aio, quantitas magna frumentorum est”

“I was told that it means ‘With more love; more life’”

“That’s beautiful” She said with a smile

“I should have done more research.” I said as I pulled my shirt back down and sat by the window “It actually reads ‘Yes, that is a very large amount of corn’”

Her tiny laugh seemed to fill the apartment and illustrated to me just how young she was.

“So does your wife know you’re here?” She asked, sitting in the chair opposite me and taking a sip of her drink.

“It would break her heart… So given our track record, she probably does” I finished with a smile.

We sat in something of an awkward silence for a few minutes, drinking our drinks in turn. I think she was just waiting for me to do something, but I had no idea what was appropriate. A hug? A Kiss? I decided that maybe I would need another drink and made for the counter again.

“So what do you do?” She asked, almost as if to break the tension.

“Actually I’m in politics…” I trailed off, knowing that I had to as for her discretion, but not wanting to.

“I won’t tell anyone about this” She said with a compassionately, as though she had heard my thoughts.

“Thanks” I finished pouring my drink and sat back down. She stood up and went to her handbag. She reached her painted nail fingers into her purse and pulled out a slip of paper. ‘Oh god’ I thought ‘She’s going to ask for money’ She walked over to me and handed me the slip. I didn’t want to look at the slip as I was afraid of how much she would ask for. She stared at me, an intense stare. I was forced to look down just from not wanting to look into those suddenly demanding eyes. I was surprised to see that I was holding a picture in my hands.

She sat down on the arm of my chair and rubbed my back.

“Do you remember the summer that was taken?”

“Like it was yesterday” I told her with my hand on her knee and a huge smile.

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Hope you enjoyed it :)... and if you didn't, let me know what you did think :)

I hear the sleigh bells ringing... quietly :-P

My New Year's Resolution:
To write this blog more!!

So it's been another 8 months since my last post (a fact for which I do not feel guilty, as my follower knows pretty much everything that has gone on in my life).

I feel like Christmas just isn't as cool when you're an adult. But the problem is, you get no warning. It's very subtle but as you move through your teenage years and into your twenties it just loses something. This year the lead up to Christmas has been kinda shit, I'm gonna be honest. I have lost my job and and things are just a little more difficult than usual.

Christmas should be a magical time of the year, full of family, laughter and Joy. I just feel like it's easier to enjoy Christmas when you are a kid and have no responsibilities, and you can just focus on the getting and receiving of presents ;)

All of that being said, I love Christmas. Christmas in Australia is hot. Today was 42 degrees Celsius which, I think you'll find, is about 504,000 degrees Fahrenheit (correct me if I'm wrong). I spent my day roller blading and playing laser tag in a giant shed. I know that might not sound that great on a day as hot as it has been, but I love sweating. I enjoy the feeling. It cools me down in a way that nothing else can. Plus, hey, decent workout.

It has occurred to me that these ramblings are not overly well formed and, so, I add to my New Year's Resolution a promise of more organised thoughts and... hey look a fluffy bunny!!!

HAVE A SAFE AND MERRY CHRISTMAS, AND A WONDERFULLY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Straight up zombie rap...

ZOMBIES!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!

When the zombie apocalypse starts, about 67% of the world will be eaten. Plain and simple. You know who those people are? They are the people who have never even slightly bent to the idea that there is a possibility that a Zombie apocalypse might start. They are too scared to see themselves as awesome zombie hunters and prefer to see themselves as "mature adults"

Well to those people, I poke out my tongue at you and go "ner ner ni ner ner."
People need to realise that the zombie apocalypse is now, more than ever, a medium to highly likely occurrence in our lifetime. I tell people this and they're like "get out of town" and I just tell them I will... when the time comes. But the reason it is so much more likely now is because we have people like me (but much smarter) thinking to themselves "I really want to see a zombie apocalypse in my life... I'm going to create a virus..."

Did you know that the Pentagon has a zombie survival plan? That's right, the most organised disaster team in the world (probably) has planned for impending walkers... and I can guarantee their plan won't include getting you to a safe area. Especoally people like me... who live in Australia.
All I'm saying is be prepared... then you could be in the 33% of us that survive.

Anyway, enough from me... how are you?